You Want to Try Getting Kinky?

Are you kinky? Curious? Just wanna try something new? Awesome! The world of kink is extensive as it is exciting, and with so much to try and learn about, there’s sure to be something to spice up your relationship.

Fantasies and desires are completely normal, but we’re often too shy to bring them up with partners. A fear of rejection combined with a societal pressure to have “normal sex” can make us feel vulnerable or weird. That’s why I’m here today: to tell you that trying out new stuff in the bedroom is not only awesome, but also a new way to bond with your partner(s)!

For starters, kinks are a great way to get more comfortable with yourself. It’s fun and natural to explore our own sexuality, and learning more about what makes us tick will in turn make for better communication and sex in the long run.

The novelty aspect of trying something new together can of course increase your sexual satisfaction, but also your relationship satisfaction. Overcoming feelings of vulnerability and first-time-jitters takes a great amount of trust, communication, and comfort within the relationship… so not only is it super sexy, but also great for bringing you closer together than ever!

There are also lots of ways to approach kink, giving you and your relationship plenty of opportunity to be creative. There’s this myth that one member has to always be dominant and the other always submissive, but that’s confining and boring and… not what this is about! You and your partner(s) can switch roles, experiment with different power dynamics, roleplay different scenarios, and have fun shopping for accessories together. The possibilities are endless!

So, how do you bring this up? I’ve created a cheat sheet of Do’s and Don’ts along with a playlist of sexy videos below for you to consider:

DO: Be confident. Your delivery really matters here! Being comfortable with yourself and articulate with your desires makes your sexuality seem exactly what it is: fun and adventurous.

DO: Be curious about their fantasies. You can start with “What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?” or other open-ended questions to learn more. Encourage them to ask you lots of questions too. Emphasize that this is something you want to do with them specifically. Exploring together is a great relationship builder.

DO: Be responsible. Kink is fun but also it’s imperative that you pay attention to detail. Arm yourselves with lots of information. Check out articles on BDSM together, watch How-To videos, look at online kink communities, go to specialty shops and look at toys and accessories together. You cannot know too much. Being prepared doesn’t take away the fun, it makes your sex life more confident. Always make sure safewords (mine is “red”) and boundaries are discussed.

DON’T: Rush in all at once. Take baby steps! Something as simple as a blindfold or light dirty talk are a great way to introduce kink into your relationship. Going slowly can also open up opportunity for new desires or fetishes to present themselves, too.

DON’T: Make it a joke. Bringing up the hypothetical “What would you do if…” takes away from the fact that this is something you want to explore with your partner. Remember: we live in a society that side-eyes anything other than “vanilla” sex, so our natural inclination is to say “WTF, ew” out of embarrassment. Say what you mean! This is your relationship and sex life. If you really need help starting the convo, try bringing up something you saw or heard that turned you on or suggest watching porn together.

DON’T: Be afraid to mess up! Accidentally say or do something awkward? Good news! You’re in the privacy of your bedroom, so you can just laugh it off and keep going. You can’t expect to do everything perfectly the first time, and learning together is part of the experience. Sex isn’t always serious!


 

Did you have a discussion and decide it wasn’t for you? That’s okay! The willingness to try new things — or even have the discussion in the first place — shows how dedicated you are to your partner and that’s awesome! To help you get started, here is a video collection to check out: Introducing Kink. Grab the laptop with your partner and check them out :) Let me know what you think!

Xo,

Ryan Riesling

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